Thursday, June 9, 2011

Sneaky Robbers

Not so long ago, I rolled over in bed and discovered my husband wasn't there, foggy with sleep my brain decided he must be in the toilet.  I must have dozed off but when I woke again he still wasn't in bed.  I looked at the clock, it was 3am.  I think I said something like are you going to the toilet, but was shushed pretty quickly.  Ryan was listening to something... and immediately I was awake.  He came out of the ensuite, saying he had heard something next door, that the noise woke him up.  He was at the window next, then he was putting on his shoes.  He said there is someone standing across the road... I asked him if I should call the police.  He, of course, said no.

In the meantime, while Ryan was getting dressed or something, I snuck an eye around the blind and sure enough there was a figure standing across the road, a little to the right of where I was standing, under street light.  I guess he had nothing to fear... it was 3am and he had a pretty good view up and down the street.  He didn't look very old - perhaps in his 20's wearing shorts, jacket and a hat.  He was just standing there.  It freaks me out to think that people, and probably people up to no good, are just standing out in the street, just metres away from where I am sleeping at 3am in the morning, all nonchalant but with a sneaky, cunning plan to wreak havoc.  Where was my faithful dog, Humphrey you ask?  Snoring in his bed that’s where!  Obviously he has no wake up out of my slumber THERE'S BURGLAR'S A'FOOT 2nd sense!!

Ryan went to the front door with the keys, all intent on getting out quickly... but when you are in a hurry and it is 3am your fine motor skills tend to fail abysmally.  That was kind of a good thing in my book and probably a good thing for the sneaky robber across the road as well.  Instead, he huffed; I'll just turn on the light.  I was still at the window and when the light went on, the sneaky robber's hand lit up, he was holding a phone.  It seemed like he fumbled, because the light went out quickly, but then it was on again briefly.  Dirty little lookout!  Very quickly, he was joined by a second shadowy figure.  There was a bag on the ground between them with the second person reaching down into it... putting something in I suspect.  Then they walked up the street.  They didn't run and didn't even seem to be in any hurry.

At this point, Ryan had managed to get the door open - probably not even 20 seconds after he had turned on the light.  The moment he was outside I called the police.  I didn't call 000, because no one was dying... yet, but instead called the police attendance number, which told me it was after hours and I needed to call another number.  A woman answered...and I started with, my husband is outside chasing some burglars up the street.  After a few minutes, Ryan returned, saying he couldn't spot them anywhere that they had vanished into thin air or lived on the street or had a good hiding spot.  I had to go over my story a number of times with the woman on the phone, clarifying details and giving descriptions for about 15 to 20 minutes, all the time thinking, what the hell - the sneaky robbers are getting away.  

Not three minutes after hanging up the phone, there was a police van out front, with a big (f**k off) sniffer dog exiting the back of it.  A police car closely followed the van.  Ryan went out and gave them some man-chasing-sneaky-robber details.  They seemed to be super noisy in the 3.30am dead of night silence, however no one came out of their houses, not least our neighbour whose house the sneaky robbers where trying to break into.  Humphrey did finally wake up and insisted on adding his squeaky bark to the fracas.  

The police and the big (f**k off) sniffer dog wandered all around our neighbour's home, but still there was no response from him.  We decided he certainly wasn't home.  During the next few minutes the van and car zoomed off in a hurry... we can only hope that the sneaky robbers were apprehended and sent to prison for a long, long time (doubtful, I know).  However during the next half an hour, a police car drove up and down our street a couple of times - making it seem less likely the sneaky robbers were captured.  All I can say is that if they were not caught I hope that they get shocking jock itch, athletes foot, head lice and anything else-itch for a year!!

The next day we went next door to tell our neighbour about what had happened.  My husband began the conversation facetiously, so, where were you last night Joe?  At home, why?  Really, you didn't hear anything? Ugh, no...  Not even at 3am when someone was trying to get into your house?  Joe (not his real name) didn't even seem shocked; deadpan he said oh I'm a heavy sleeper.  Well you'd have to be, to miss a sound that woke my husband in the house next door!  Joe went on to say, well there's nothing to steal here and he's probably right.  It's the most "unappreciated", least security conscious house in the street.

Gossip on the street indicated that the sneaky robbers had also broken into a car parked on the street by breaking a window, nicking some change and a big heavy technical manual of some sort - good luck with lugging that around boys!

In the next few nights, when my husband just happened to be away... I was hyper-vigilant.  I knew I would be, even though my husband and I discussed the sneaky robbers at length; whether they were opportunitists, whether they'd return to get the person who called the police, when Humphrey would bark if someone was breaking in etc etc!  It seemed to help at the time - but in the hard cold dead of night, I really was quite unhappy with the whole sneaky robber situation.  

They didn't return, but I try not to think about the people, and probably people up to no good, who are just standing out in the street, just metres away from where I am sleeping at 3am in the morning, all nonchalant but with a sneaky, cunning plan to wreak havoc.  And I try very, very hard to remember why we have a teeny toy poodle with a falsetto bark range and not a big (f**k off) dog with a big bass bark.


  1. I thiink maybe you have a very brave husband who wants to protect his family and community.

  2. Yes, he is all that... but I didn't want him to wacked on the head either!


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