Friday, March 11, 2011

Dumped From the Bridal Party

I was to be a bridesmaid for my sister-in-law wedding in early April, but I have been unceremoniously dumped.

I was the only bridesmaid, so it could be argued I was actually the maid of honour... but it sounded so important (insert old and matronly), that I preferred to be called bridesmaid.  Anyway it doesn't really matter now because I am the bridesmaid no longer.

On the weekend, the bride and groom organised a little get together in lieu of a hen's and buck's celebrations.  My husband and I were given a weeks notice.  It was a daytime event, at the pub where the ceremony and reception are to be held, at around the time my son, Sabin would be taking his nap. I wasn't keen on going and neither was Ryan, my husband as it was probably just going to be one great big piss up.  As such I asked my husband to call his sister to excuse us from the event.  I know he spoke to his sister several times during the week and was told that I should come on my own to meet the best man.  In all of my wisdom I decided not to go, because it was going to be a free for all piss up, that my husband wasn't going, that I wouldn't know any of the drunkards attending, it was an hour's round trip and wait for it... I was fairly sure that I would meet the best man in a few weeks at the wedding rehearsal.

It just so happened the night before said get together, we had organised our own little get together/BBQ with some of the parents of my daughters school friends.  It wasn't an especially big or late night, but I was feeling a little worse for wear the following day and didn't really have the patience for listening to drunken ramble.  In all fairness I should have called the bride myself, but instead I asked Ryan to call his sister to send my apologises (as he would have asked me to do with my sister if the situation was reversed), I know he called, but then I wandered off and didn't hear the conversation.  I assumed he said I would not be attending, since that is what I asked him to do.

However the following morning, I received several texts from the bride, saying that my services would no longer be required (well something like that anyway).  The kids had slept in, thus we were running late for school so I didn't call the bride right then and there.  Instead I called my husband, told him the news and barked, call your sister and find out what's going on!!! 

I should add here, that the bride and I are family.  If we were not family we would not be friends.  She is a nice girl, but we have very little in common in the whole scheme of things.  From go to whoa this wedding has been organised in around 3 months.  The bride and groom have been together since I have been on the scene, which is around 10 years.  So a wedding wasn't completely unexpected... I guess they just didn't know that the majority of people give themselves a year to organise a wedding.  All expenses have been spared... at the bride and groom's request.

On the walk home from school, I called the bride and left a message on her phone because she didn't answer.  I listened to a message from my husband on my answering machine at home, which stated that it wasn't just I missed the big piss up, but because I was a most unhelpful bridesmaid!  I can't say I was totally surprised, because there wasn't actually a lot for me to do.  The bride has a very helpful mother, father, brother and nana.  I also didn't have any other bridesmaids to boss around and keep in check.  So after listening to the message I rushed off to my next appointment.

When I returned home around lunchtime I called the bride.  I decided the best tactic was to eat humble pie, which I'm quite unaccustomed to doing really.  She didn't sound super mad, but I'm not really sure what she sounds like super mad.  She insisted that I really needed to go to the free for all piss up at the pub to meet the best man - several times... several hundred times.  I apologised and apologised again - what else could I do?  She went on to tell me that I had not performed my duties as bridesmaid as I had not gone with her to pick her dress or assisted with the flowers.

Enough was enough at that point... I reckoned I was allowed to defend myself.  I didn't loose it or anything, but I simply reminded her that she had asked me to be bridesmaid and the very next day, called me to say that she and her mother (my mother-in-law) had found everyone's dresses (her's, mine and her 2 daughter's).  I didn't hold my breath, but the dress she picked for me was a dark bronzy colour and quite lovely.  I was happy with it, but when the groom saw it, he was unhappy with the colour so it had to be changed.  Then I ended up with a dusty pink skirt and top, dress-look-alike, that was at least 3 sizes too big.  Her nana adjusted the dress and while it's not to my taste, it's do-able.

My presence was requested for choosing the flowers, not real flowers, fake ones at 9am in the morning.  I said I would endeavour to make it, but that 9am meant I would have to be ready with my 2 kidlets to leave the house at 8.30am, a hard ask on any day.  Also running through my mind was that I wouldn't be doing a whole lot more than removing fake flowers from my kids hands than choosing her bridal flowers.  She said that they could wait for a while at the meeting spot... but did not change the time for me.  So when she brought this up as a failed bridesmaid duty... I mentioned the early morning appointment and she said that they would have waited... what the whole extra hour it would have taken me?  I also added that deciding on flowers is usually done solely by the bride, with no added input from the bridesmaid/s - I know this is how it was for me at my wedding - I couldn't have given two hoots whether my bridesmaids liked my flowers or not, it's not like they were paying for them.  And you know what, the bride and I have completely different tastes, like I would have chosen real live flowers for a start...  She still feels slighted of course.  There wasn't much I could say to reduce her bridezilla rage at my inadequacies as a bridesmaid.

By the end of the phone call with the bride and with me still fired I said that I had no hard feelings and that I didn't want this to start a rift between us or our families.  Let's hope she doesn't get wind of this post then....  I haven't written anything untruthfully or that our families, knowing the bride wouldn't agree with.

My guess is that the bride may miss my presence on the big day, when she alone will need to keep an eye on her timetable (oh, but wait, she won't have one, because I won't have written it), keep her daughters clean and tidy for the photos and generally keep the wedding ticking over nicely in her sure to be inebriated state!  Maybe I should pack the bridesmaid attire on the day just in case she changes her mind!


  1. Got to love weddings (and major family events). I'm sure you being there on the day will be enough to show the sister-in-law you do care, but hey, no stress for you now. And if it is true what you are saying - How's the rest of the family - just add alcohol??? Enjoy! Can't wait to read the "Wet Wedding" blog.

  2. Luckily the rest of the family are great, I love them to bits - they aren't a just add alcohol family, but not sure about the "friends" who will be attending...

  3. So sorry you had to go through this. These kind of dust-ups can be so stressful.

    I believe weddings can bring out the worst in people. My youngest daughter is getting married next year and it is very challenging dealing with her.

  4. Weddings turn the nicest girls into BRIDEZILLA'S!


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